Love in gray
by Meero94
Summary: Beatrice has always wanted to be a Dauntless but after her brother Caleb chose moving to Erudite, she had to stay at Abnegation for her family's sake. She thinks her life would now be dull, except that when Tobias Eaton moves back into Abnegation and she's assigned to him she finds herself faced with new feelings and challenges
1. Pilot

**Hello there :) well, this story is based on the quote " And when we rise, hand in hand, I realize that if we had both chosen differently, we might have ended up doing the same thing, in a safer place, in gray clothes instead of black ones." from the book. I really am looking forward to writing this, so I hope you all will like it **

**I sadly declare that I don't own the divergent trilogy **

**Enjoy!**

I opened my eyes to the sound of a soft knock on my door.

"Beatrice," came my father's voice "are you awake?"

I pushed myself out of bed and into a sitting position before answering "yes, come on in"

My father opened the door and stepped into my room, smiling at me. He looked tired and worn a bit; a look he has put on since my brother Caleb left us.

It happened almost a month ago when the choosing ceremony took place. At that event each one of the sixteen-year-olds must choose a faction to belong to after taking an aptitude test. I was contemplating choosing another faction over Abnegation (my original faction) but when my brother Caleb went ahead and chose Erudite (A rival faction to ours) I felt the pressure of protecting my family and being the kid who stayed, so I did just that: I stayed – Which is exactly what led to me being dressed in the dull, standard grey Abnegation dress I hated so much while sitting in my even duller room, waiting for my father to start speaking.

My father never came to my room unless he really needed me to help with something; he considered it an inconvenience for me any other time, although it wasn't but I was selfish enough to not correct him.

"Selfish" is a word you don't hear much among Abnegation members, which is exactly why I feel as much as home here as a Dauntless would feel at Amity.

"Beatrice," starts my father "you know that my friend Marcus had –I mean, has a son who moved into Dauntless a few years ago?"

That question took me by surprise; I was expecting him to talk to me about whatever duty they would assign me; since I've finished my initiation test a few days ago (needless to say, I passed it; every Abnegation initiate does) but Marcus's son, Tobias, was not even in Abnegation to begin with. He has chosen Dauntless over Abnegation a couple years ago. Lucky bastard.

_Abnegation people don't curse Beatrice. _I scold myself

"Tobias," I confirm "what about him?"

"Well, he has paid me a visit two days ago," my father answers, and I gape at him; Tobias is Dauntless, he has no reason to come here. Moreover, according to Erudite, he shouldn't want to come back because his father Marcus used to abuse him. Complete nonsense.

"He came to tell me that he has dropped out of Dauntless." continues my father, and my eyes grow wider. Why on earth would someone become factionless by choice? "He also asked if we'd take him back into Abnegation"

I know what my father's answer was even before he says it.

"I said yes" father confirms and explains saying "We mostly take back in any former member of Abnegation who couldn't make it in their new faction. Tobias is no different and he's still Marcus's son"

I see the flash of pain in father's eyes at the word "son" and know that he's thinking of Caleb and for a moment I feel glad that I haven't ditched my parents.

"Fine, but why are you telling me this father?" I ask because I still can't see where do I fit in, in this whole situation.

"You passed your initiation test, you need to get an assignment; Tobias Eaton is your assignment"

I must look dumbfounded because my father elaborates by adding "Tobias has been away for two years. He has tattoos and a much different attitude now, a Dauntless attitude. If we take him back in, we must make sure that he keeps to our rules, that he acts the way he should"

"Like an initiation test for him alone" I mutter

"Exactly," nods my father "and both Marcus and I agreed that you'd be fit for the job"

I had no idea as to why my father would assume that but meeting a Dauntless has been a dream of mine for a long time –although technically Tobias wasn't a Dauntless anymore.

"I'll do it" I smile at my father and he smiles back

"Well then," he says as he gets up "come have breakfast downstairs and then we'll go meet him"

I didn't have to be told twice.

I had scrambled eggs for breakfast, as per usual, and then hurried to my room to run a comb in my hair and tie it in a bun atop of my head. I wore the standard gray dress and flew down the stairs to meet my father

"Quiet Beatrice," said my father disapprovingly "you should be quiet when coming down these stairs"

Quiet and unnoticed were Abnegation's favorite words, so was invisible hence the gray-everything

I stifled a sigh and muttered "yes sir"

In a few minutes my father and I were walking the Abnegation streets towards a building in town that stood for the office of the Abnegation leaders. As we walked through the streets, people gave us nods of respect (to my father) and kind smiles (to me)

Once we had reached the building, we head into my father's office, he likes to say that it's not particularly his but everyone's, except that it really is.

As we walk inside, I see the figure of a young man standing by the window, he turns around swiftly at the sound of our entrance and I can't help but marvel at his fast reflexes.

"Tobias" my father says in greeting and the guy nods "This is my daughter, Beatrice; she'll be your assigned guide for a while"

Tobias moves his gaze to me and I have to pick my jaw off the floor. He has the build of someone who practices a lot. He's tall, much taller than I am, and slim yet muscled. He also has eyes the color of the sky at the early time of night; a blue so deep you can get lost in it.

Tobias's mouth turns into the faintest smile and I realize that I must have stared too baldly for an Abnegation and for a bit too long "Nice to meet you" I mutter to him and drop my gaze

"The pleasure is mine" he answers politely, in a voice that's steady and deep

"Well, I assume that you haven't forgotten the area" my father says to Tobias "but I believe that Beatrice should walk you around anyway. Tell you about what our faction has been doing the last two years"

Our faction does nothing new, it's always the same dull place with the same dull people. I know it, father knows it and so does Tobias, but he nods anyway.

"Come" I motion him forward and make the mistake of catching his gaze a second time

"Sure" he says with a glint of amusement in his eyes and I feel my cheeks reddening.

I turn my back to him and say "let's go" then start moving without casting him another glance.

I know he'll flow me.

**So...how was it? did you like it? should I go on with it? **

**Review and tell me what you think please :3 pretty please? :$**


	2. The patio

**Hello everyone :) I know it's been forever since I updated but I've been having a hard time lately and hardly gotten any time to sit and write so I'm sorry about that =/ **

**I want to thank you all for the awesome reviews and opinions and support :)) you guys are simply amazing! I really really hope you'll like this chapter, and please excuse my sorry-ass attempt at a title :P**

**I don't own Divergent, I only wish I do :$**

**Enjoy!**

My head spins with things to say as I head out of the building. I try to remember what important buildings we have in Abnegation, what places he may want to see, what occasions has occurred and what dictions have been made in the past couple of years but my mind comes up with nothing. Nothing.

My thoughts tend to be more coherent usually but for some reason they won't cooperate today and I could swear that it has something to do with Tobias's gaze burning into my back.

I keep walking in the hope of finding something to say and feel him following close behind. My father may think that Tobias has forgotten the ways of our people but I can tell he hasn't; because even now he keeps the respectful distance that any Abnegation guy would keep between him and me. I don't like the distance.

A thought strikes me as I walk and I turn to the right motioning for Tobias to follow me. We enter an alleyway that's being cleaned by new Abnegation members; the walls have been painted on by the factionless and the narrow bath is filled with broken glass.

As I pass by I get the same smiles I've gotten earlier, only now they're laced with curiosity and interest instead of the usual kindness, although that's there as well.

Tobias raises an eyebrow at me when I cast him a glance but otherwise pretends not to notice the curious stares he's getting.

We pass the alley and enter a few more before we stop seeing any people at all. We make it through a few more streets before Tobias speaks to me for the first time since we left.

"Where exactly are you taking me, Beatrice?" he asks with amusement.

"um…" I clear my throat and start again "Well, I know that you haven't forgotten your way around here; you wouldn't have made it to father's office if you have."

"And?" he asks

"I figured you may be more interested in visiting other parts of the faction" I answer

"Such as?"

"A place I found when I was on Abnegation initiation cleaning duty"

"hmm.." he answers and I want to ask him what on earth that's supposed to mean. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"I didn't think you'd like the stares" I blurt out and feel my cheeks warming "Uh. I'm sorry, that was rude"

"Honest not rude." He clarifies "You think they'd have stared"

It's drilled in us to be selfless and unnoticeable and always polite but humans can't change their prying nature even if they did lessen it.

"It's not everyday that we get a former Abnegation/Dauntless member here" I say and I notice that he's now walking by my side so I look up at him as I say "Not to mention that you're Marcus's son."

At the mention of his father's name, Tobias's face hardens and something flares in his eyes. Fear, anger and rage? I can't place it but it's so Dauntless like that I find myself fascinated by it.

"You're right; they'd have stared" he says coldly and gives me a pointed look "I don't like being stared at."

It's in that instant that I realize I'm staring at him and turn away feeling myself blush a deep scarlet.

"It'd help if you changed your shirt. For the staring I mean" I feel my blush deepen and hurry to explain "The color is black. We go with gray"

"hmm" he mutters and I have to choke down a sigh; we're back to the one word answers again –if that's even considered a word.

I look around and find that we're almost there. Another turn and we end up in a small square that's surrounded by old buildings.

"This is it?" asks Tobias "Impressive"

I roll my eyes and motion him between two of the buildings. I get another raised eyebrow but he follows me anyway. We go through a path that's covered with slaps of cement and scraps of paper; making the place look too much of a dump to bother with.

A minute later we arrive to the place I wanted to show him.

Ahead of us sits a small patio that works as a platform for one of the trains. The trains never stop here but you can easily get on one of them from here and you can just as easily see most of the city if you sat on the big tree that sits in the middle of the patio.

"This is high ground" states Tobias "We didn't climb any stairs."

I shrug my shoulder as I head toward the tree "The path we went through was heading up as we went" I explain "it's used as a way to transform tools to storage doors of the buildings surrounding it and it ends here on the deck"

"So the deck is used to get the tools from the train and to it"

"But hasn't been used in ages" I add "making it the perfect place for watching the city and the trains"

"You like watching the trains" asks Tobias, only it comes out more of a statement

"I do" I say quietly. This is weird; no one has ever asked me what I liked or disliked before because it'd have been too selfish of me to answer that, making the one asking me even more selfish for forcing selfishness upon me. Abnegation philosophy, I don't get it either.

Tobias is quiet and I cast him a look to find him eyeing me with curiosity. I look away before I start staring again and fumble with my sleeve.

"What?" I ask

"Hmm?" he answers and I look at him with irritation

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I clarify "And can you please stop it with the grunting and one word answers? Makes you come across as primal" I instantly feel horrified at my bluntness and start forming an apology but his answer cuts me off

"Primal" he says with the hint of a grin "Noted"

I try to mask my embarrassment as irritation and cast him another fast glance "you still haven't answered me"

My mother would be aghast with my manners.

"I find you different than the other stiffs" he answers and I look at him with horror

"Stiffs?"

"Uh.. Abnegations? Sorry; it's a term we used to use" he actually looks embarrassed and I'd have found it adorable if I weren't too angry with him for using it

"I know what a stiff is," I say "I've been called that before" I don't know why I feel so offended by this when I've never been before "But you're one of us stiffs now so you may as well not use the term again"

I walk to the tree and start climbing till I reach the first branch and settle on it.

Tobias's eyes follow me and he suddenly looks uncomfortable. Maybe I was too harsh on him

"Join me?" I try to amend but he just shakes his head

"I'm fine here"

We stay quiet for a while after that him staring at the train tracks and me staring at the far buildings of the city, wondering where my brother is right now.

A train passes us and I remember all the times I used to watch Dauntless kids jumping off of trains to get to school.

"Do you miss it?" I ask

"Miss what?" he asks without looking at me

"The Dauntless," I answer "do you miss it there?"

Now he eyes me suspiciously and I know what he's thinking: I'm not acting Abnegation in the least. It's what this place does to me; I feel free in here. Free of pretending to be selfless. Free of the gray of my clothes. Whenever I sit on this tree, watching the city, something comes to life within me and I feel liberated and…brave.

I jump off of my branch landing gracefully on my feet –the branch isn't even high really, and I head toward Tobias

"We should go back" I say to him without making eye contact

He doesn't say anything but I can hear his footsteps trailing mine and as we head out of the patio and back into Abnegation, I can feel the old shy Beatrice slipping back in and I scold myself for bringing him here .

For the rest of the way I don't as much as glance at Tobias.

I don't feel brave anymore.

**And that was it! I hope you liked it :) what do you think? would Tobias tell Beatrice about Dauntless? would she dare ask again? Would they ever come back here?**

**Tell me what you think lovelies :$**

**so review now? please? :3**


	3. A surprise

**Read A/N at the end pleease!**

**Hello everyone! so yep, I'm not dead yay! no seriously tho, I know this chapter took forever and I'm soooo sorry but I completely blame uni for that. I wrote 3 drafts for this chapter and they were just laying there in a folder that I forgot about, then I get an email notification for this story today and instead of editing one of the drafts (like a normal human would) I go all out and write an entirely new one, which took me 4 hours... on finals week if you must know, and I just finished it and I'm posting right away, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: do we really need this every chapter? fine. I own nothing, happy now? **

It's been exactly a week since the day I showed Tobias the patio. It's also been three days since I last saw him. Not that I'm counting or anything.

After the mini mental glitch moment I had that day, I decided to stick with normal places and dull streets whenever I'm with Tobias; I never took him anywhere remotely as interesting as the patio and I didn't talk to him unless I really had to. I barely even made eye contact with him.

It took all of four days for me to give up pretending that there's anything else around to show him, because honestly how many gray, painfully identical, buildings can you look at before it gets ridiculously boring?

Enough to last you four days, that's how many.

Point is, after the initial four days I took Tobias to father's office and told father that the touring and getting re-acquaintanced are done with. He said that he'll take over from there and that they won't need me again for the next three days. Meaning they do need me today; which is exactly why I find myself standing in father's office once again while we both wait for Tobias to show up.

"Beatrice," says my father "I was thinking of having a community dinner in the great hall, for Tobias's return and for Marcus's sake, as well as everyone else's –since it'll bring everyone together"

I nod at my father as he moves to sit down and motions for me to do the same.

"I was also talking to Tobias about it yesterday, after I showed him the work places and what he can do here to earn his keep." a slight frown deepens my father's forehead and he changes the conversation's course "He hasn't decided yet on what to do. Although I showed him what work was done around and made sure he met some of the older people to ask about their experience and what work they preferred"

I looked thoughtfully at my father as he talked and at that last part an idea occurred to me.

"Well, maybe it isn't old people he should be talking to" I said while looking at my hands "maybe he should talk to people his own age and see what they like and he'll be decided then"

My father considered this for a moment before giving a small nod, although the frown still didn't leave his face.

"True, that could help him decide" my father said "but it's not only about what he likes, it's also about where he's needed" my father's tone got serious as he finished with "We're Abnigation Beatrice, what we want stops mattering the second it interferes with the needs of others"

At that I just gave another nod and bit down my lip to keep from sighing loudly. This was how they brought me up, so why did I find myself getting more restless with these beliefs the more time passes?

"I still think your idea is a good one," my father continues "so you should take him out to the working places of the younger members. Have him talk to them and look around"

"Yes, father" I said calmly when I was anything but calm. I so didn't need another day of awkward silence and strained looks, spent with Tobias Eaton.

"And one more thing," my father started, and he suddenly looked sheepish "about where Tobias is staying. He mentioned his place needing a few weeks to be fixed so I –"

A knock on the door cut my father off and as we looked up, we found Tobias standing at the door with one hand shoved in his pocket and the other still raised as if to knock again.

He looked exactly as I remembered him from three days ago, and it shouldn't come as a surprise really, but it still did; I imagined he'd have changed in those 3 days somehow.

"May I come in?" Tobias asks. Instead of answering, my father gets up with a slight shake to his head and starts towards the door with me a few steps behind.

"I'm afraid I have a meeting I must attend to, and you have a job to decide on" my father says with a gentle nudge to Tobais's shoulder as we step out of the room "so no sitting around for you young man"

My father's tone is gentle, almost joking, and I have to make a physical effort not to gape at him because since when did Tobias Eaton and my father become best friends?

Tobias gives a small smile –so small it looks like a lip twitch- then says "yes, sir" and my father claps him on the back before giving me a kind smile and calling "I'll meet you both here in a few hours" as he's heading out.

This leaves me and Tobias alone.

"You still didn't get a grey shirt" I blurt out then wish for the earth to swallow me. My brain-to-mouth filter seems to breakdown whenever I'm around Eaton.

"Well, hello to you too" he answers dryly before shrugging "I prefer black"

_Like your soul?_ I wanted to ask, but opted for nodding instead and heading out the building.

"So where are we going?" he asked "your father did show me all the work places already"

And look who's getting talkative!

"You saw the work places for old members" I cast him a quick glance "now I'm showing you the younger ones' places"

"Hmm" he says and I bite down a smile; back to one word responses, now that's more like it.

"What are you smiling at?" his voice is caught somewhere between curiosity and amusement.

Oops. Maybe I didn't manage hiding that smile as well as I thought, and honestly what am I even smiling at? A "hmm"? really?

_Good lord, Beatrice, get a grip. _

"um, nothing?" and I so didn't mean for that to come out as a question.

Tobais raises an eyebrow but leaves it at that and I'm thankful for it.

We walk a little further, and just like that first day Tobias starts by walking behind me but ends up by my side a little while later.

I hold my tongue for most of the walk, and I'm proud of my ability to do so –until we pass by a group of girls and Tobias smiles at them. Not like the small smile he gave my father, or the polite one he gave me. It's not even a normal smile, it looks –and I never thought I'd ever use that word- flirty.

To be fair to him, one of the girls –Bianca- was staring at us ever since we came into her site, and she did give him a rather wide smile. Who's Bianca? She's an 18 year old member who should have been an Erudite if her father had actually given her the choice. He forced her into staying here, no one knows how, but he did. She's been kindly giving us all hell over it ever since; never sticking to the rules and acting as Erudite as they come. Any other faction would have kicked her out by now, but Abnigation doesn't do that.

"You should really tone that down" I said dryly "smiling that wide couldn't be healthy for you and it'd ruin your brooding image"

Okay so first thing I should do when I get back home today: fix that brain-to-mouth filter, along with any other mental abilities I used to have. Maybe I should work on the manners part as well. Oh god, please don't let him answer that one please don't –

"Brooding image?" Tobias stopped walking and was now staring at me -and so were the group of girls across the street but I'm pretending they're not there- and his smile was wiped clean but his eyes glittered with laughter "you think I have a brooding image?"

"I, um," I obviously had a way with words "I really didn't mean that. It came out wrong and it wasn't my place to say. I just really tend to speak without thinking" _but only around you_, was the part I left out.

I resumed walking, although a bit faster, and Tobias did as well "We're most honest when we don't think our words through" he said, and wow zen much "which brings me back to my question, why would you think I have a brooding _image?_"

This was an off week. This was a very off week. I spent 16 years here and I've never once thought half of the things I'm thinking now or even came close to acting this way. Ok so maybe that wasn't entirely true; I did feel different since the initiation day and there was that name a woman called me at my test "Divergent" … that had me acting different too, but I still didn't go around blurting facts or making sarcastic remarks in my mind, so yes this was an off week.

I looked up at Tobias and I found him still staring expectantly at me, probably waiting for an answer to his question, but unless he'd take _"it's not that bad an image"_ as an answer I had nothing to say really.

Before he could ask again, my salvation came in the form of a huge factory ahead and I've never been happier to see a gray filthy building in my entire life.

"We're here" I said cheerfully, maybe too cheerfully, and Tobias raised his eyebrow in a fashion I was quickly getting used to.

Once inside, we didn't have to talk anymore because most of the workers would stop their work and come greet us, explaining what they do to Tobias and how it helps.

It took us almost an hour to walk through the first level –in which they made baskets and filled them with food to give away to families in need- and once we finished touring it, I headed to the stairway to get to the second level.

"I never understood" Tobias said "why no one ever takes the elevator around here"

"Someone else may need to use it, and if you crowd it they won't be able to"

"That's the way everyone thinks, though" he argued "so you all end up crowding the stairs instead"

Ok so maybe that did make sense but still.

I tried to form an answer as we headed up the stairs, but my train of thoughts was cut when I saw one of my father's friends ,and one of the few older workers here, coming down the stairs.

"Beatrice" the supervisor of the factory said as he came up to us and I gave him a small smile and bowed my head in respect.

"Mr. Batchelder ," I said "hope you're doing well?"

"Very, thank you" then he turned his attention to Tobias "You must be Tobias Eaton"

Tobias extended his hand and the older man shook it in turn, I looked at the man's left hand and found him holding a bag that looked slightly heavy. Without thinking, I reached out and took it from him.

"That's heavy," I said "please let me carry it down for you"

The older man smiled warmly at me and said "I'm not that old Beatrice" but didn't try to take the bag. Instead he said a quick "nice to meet you" to Tobias –who looked contemplative- and carried on down the stairs with me in tow. Once we reached there, he took the bag again and thanked me then went on his way.

The next couple of hours went pretty much the same, with Tobias meeting workers and me introducing him then bowing my head to the older ones and assuring them I'll give my father their greetings.

We made our way out of the factory and once we're out, Tobias takes a deep breath as if he was choking in there.

"Are you alright?" I ask, and I'm feeling slightly off myself. Being in there, surrounded by the younger people of my faction, who are working with bowed heads and kind smiles, makes me feel smaller somehow. Like I want to hide in my clothes and never be seen, like I should be in there being selfless and putting up with hours of putting canned food and frozen packs in baskets and giving them to those in need.

My voice is quieter and my head is facing the ground as we walk, I don't even look up at Tobias when he answers.

"Yes…" he says, and I could sense he's hesitating about saying more. Instead of answering with a "but?" like I'd have done three hours ago, I simply keep silent and carry on walking.

"It's just different" he mutters and I don't ask him what is. It's not my place to ask.

The rest of the walk is taken in silence and in no time, we find ourselves back at my father's office.

My father asks Tobias about the place and what he thought. They also they start a conversation that I zone out on, and then my father is getting up and so are we.

As we head out, I expect Tobias to bid us goodbye and go to… where is he staying again?

I shoot my father a questioning look when I notice Tobias walking in the same direction as us, and he raises his eyebrows at first but then understanding dawns and the look turns to one of disapproval… Probably at my lack of knowledge because I'm obviously missing something.

"Beatrice, as I was saying earlier to Tobias," he starts, and I'm guessing by 'earlier' he means the conversation I didn't pay attention to "we would love to have him with us, until the place he's staying in gets fixed. Until then, he'd be staying in your brother's room. It'd be kind of you to help him clean it tonight."

I almost gasped because I thought Tobias had a place, I even heard my father telling mother that Tobias wouldn't stay with Marcus and he made due with some abandoned house, but I still didn't know where that is, and I sure didn't see this one coming.

"You really don't have to –" Tobias says but my father cuts him off with a raised hand.

"We've already been through that" father says firmly "you're staying at our home"

Oh you've _got_ to be kidding me.

**IMPORTANT A/N: So first of all, I really really hope you liked this chapter, and if you did please review because I'm scared that I've lost my lovely readers due to the very late update (won't happen again I promise)**

** on the Tris I'm writing here: many of you have pointed out to me that they think Tris shouldn't be this bold since she's till in Abnigation, to settle that, here's my point: the thing is, Abnigation or Dauntless, Tris is till Divergent and she still thinks of herself as selfish, and as we saw in the book, even before she chose Dauntless, Tris was complaining about Abnigation. So my view here, is that the moment she was forced to stay by Caleb's decision, Tris's stubborn side came out faster and stronger because now she was stuck in a place she wanted to run away from, and that she'd bitter and bolder because of it. **

**On Bianca or on new characters in general really: I'm going all out here, and venturing into the worl of Abnigation, one that we didn't see much of before, so I figured that I may as well add some of my own characters along with others we've seen before.**

**Please review and I'll try my best to update (despite my finals) next Friday, and if there were many reviews I may even give you a slight Fourtris moment (I'm shameless, I know). Thanks for reading! **


	4. Tris

**An update on time? the wonders never cease! yep, I know I know I'm impressed too (and I have finals so make that double impressed) but I did promise a chapter on Friday so here we are :) an update yay! **

**Thank you to all the awesome people who reviewed last chapter because you're the reason I finished this one on time. I hope you like this one because it's my longest so far and it took a lot of work, so read and tell me what you think!  
**

**I own nothing, never had, never will. Cheerful! **

**Enjoy :)**

I sit at the dinner table staring earnestly at my food and marveling at how my life has been one big "how on earth did I get here" lately.

For instance, a couple months back, I was preparing myself to cut into my hand and watch my blood sizzling on the coals to mark me as a Dauntless initiate. Instead, I ended up in front of the Abnegation metal bowl, watching my blood drip on stones and wondering –yes, you got it: "how on earth did I get here?!".

Of course the answer to that would be; _thanks to my brother Caleb_, but that's a thought for another day.

A month later, I was sitting on a bench next to the other initiates as we became full members of Abnigation, and again I was wondering that very same thing. A life in grey. An oath to turn away from my reflection being recited by an older member. Except, I didn't turn away from my reflection when mother gave me a haircut. I stared at it. _How did I get here, again? _

So you can understand why now, as Tobias Eaton sits across the table from me, biting down his smile, that very same question is the first thing to pop into my head.

How did I get here? More likely, how did I get myself into this? Big mouth. That's how.

Ten minutes ago my parents were discussing the faction with Tobias and what work he was considering, then the conversation turned to his place and who's going to fix it –not for lack of volunteers, mind you, but because too many volunteered to help and there's only so many people that can fit in a room after all. Somehow the conversation shifted again to Tobias's current residence aka my brother's old room, and I had somehow managed to hold my tongue and stare at my food throughout the whole thing. That's until my mother mentioned the room needing to be cleaned first.

"It's been a while since anyone entered the room, not since… Caleb" my mother says quietly, and I can see my father discreetly brushing his knuckles along the back of her hand in a comforting gesture "not since Caleb left" she breathes out and my father's hand fists itself against the table. "It needs some cleaning; we need to take out some of his things to make room for yours. I'll help you do it after dinner" she finishes with a kind smile to Tobias.

My parents haven't talked about my brother's decision even once since he left, or if they did, they made sure I wasn't there to hear them. However, I could still see my father hesitating near Caleb's room each time he passes it, and I catch my mother looking at his empty place at the table, and I know how much his leaving hurt them both just by the way mother refused to leave his room's door open after he left. So I know for a fact that neither one of them will be too fond of clearing the desk of his books or changing the sheets left on his bed, or even wiping the floor where he used to lay down when we were kids.

I knew it'd hurt mother to do any of those things, hence the following exchange;

"I'll do it" I blurt out, looking up for the first time since we sat down "I'll help with cleaning the room"

My mother frowned slightly and was about to protest, so I rushed "and you'd be busy with the dishes anyway, so this way we'll make good time and Tobias won't have to wait until you're done to move his things"

My logic wasn't flawed in the least; my mother made breakfast today so the dishes went to me at the time, father made lunch and my mother and I both cleaned, I made dinner so mother would clean the dishes and father –well, I need to find him something to do so he doesn't have to work on my brother's room.

"Are you sure Beatrice?" my mother asks gently "I know you've been walking around all day and must need some rest, you don't have to."

"It's fine, really. And you need to show father that thing in the kitchen?" I raise my eyebrows at her "the sink? Not working?" did I mention how ill-suited for Candor I was? Lies came to me naturally. A bad but useful talent. I look at mother as I speak and I realize that she knows exactly what I'm doing; the kitchen does have a busted pipe, but mother said earlier that it was easily fixed and she'll do it herself later, no need to tell father. So as I say this now, her eyes widen slightly at first but then they glint with understanding and she gives me what could only be a grateful smile.

"True," my mother nods "there's that indeed" she obviously wasn't cut for Candor either.

"So you'll help Tobias yourself?" father asks and there's a hint of pride in his voice, but there's also a dubious look on his face "The two of you will be alone –"

"We'll leave the door opened!" I blurt out, and yes that's how I got here. Big. Mouth.

" –working so it could take some time" my father trails off and there's silence at the table. I could feel the blood rushing to the tips of my ears.

"Of course you'll leave the door open" my mother says as if I've made the best suggestion ever "yes, despite it needing some oiling it'd be inappropriate otherwise. Good thinking, Beatrice" and bless her heart if she isn't the greatest mother ever. I suddenly feel the urge to hug her. I peak at my father and he'd nodding with a small smile.

"Good thinking indeed" he says and the pride is still there.

Tobias however, has ducked his head down to hide the amusement in his eyes and he is fighting a smile so hard I want to hit him. It's not that funny. In fact, nothing about this is funny at all.

I have no interest being kept in close quarters with Tobias Eaton for however long it takes to clean a room, thank you very much.

Except for the fact that 10 minutes later, I completely am.

I suppress a sigh as I hand Tobias a towel and point at the desk near the window "you start cleaning the desk and bookshelves," there are a few shelves that Caleb installed in the room "I'll do the floor"

My mother is washing dishes down stairs, and despite Tobias's protests my father has gone back to Tobias's place. He was bringing the few belongings that Tobias has packed earlier today. Guess there was no need to mention that busted pipe after all.

Tobias and I work for a while in silence, him rubbing dust off the shelves and me off the floor, and how on earth does a room with closed windows get dusty anyway?

As I work, I can't help but muse on how unlived-in the room feels. It's been only two months since Caleb left and yet it feels as if the room has been abandoned for ages. I wonder if that's how my room would have looked like had I actually moved out.

"What next?" Tobias asks, interrupting my thoughts.

I glance at the table and yes it's shiny, so I put away the mop and bucket gesture towards the closet "It still has his clothes inside," I say with a sigh "mom never had the heart to clean it."

Producing two black bags I snatched from the kitchen earlier, I open the closet and start taking out clothes "I thought we could only clear out a little space for your stuff, but since we're doing it we may as well empty the whole thing" saves my mother the trouble.

Tobias nods and comes to crouch by my side to start emptying the lower drawers since I've already started on the shelves above, which would have been a job more fitting for him than I, because in case I forgot to mention it he's kind of a giant. Or maybe I'm too short.. but that's a fact I refuse to acknowledge.

"It was nice what you did there" Tobias says with a calm voice without pausing his work.

"Did what?" his tone was somehow gentle and secretive enough that I find myself lowering my voice as well.

"This," Tobias gestures to the room in general "offering to do it so your parents wouldn't have to" he pauses "that's very.. Abnegation"

So he did catch the motive behind that, along with my mother.

"It is my faction" I answer with a shrug, then as a thought hits "you say it as if it's a strange thing for me. To act Abnegation, I mean"

"Maybe a little," Tobias says, the amusement in his voice throwing me off; I seem to always have that effect on him "in the time I've spent with you so far, you haven't struck me as fully Abnigation"

_Divergent, _the word jumps at me; making whatever protest I have die on my lips. Tobias didn't wait for an answer though, he just kept going.

"Then again, you did help that man with the bags earlier, so maybe I misjudged you" I slightly shake my head at that and something flashes in his eyes "or not"

"Is that a bad thing," I say and I make direct eye contact with him for the first time in what feels like ages. Deep blue eyes stare back at me and I swallow nervously before looking away to fiddle with the bag. The closet is already empty. "Not being fully your faction?"

I could almost feel Tobias's gaze burning in the side of my head as I squat to sit beside him –both of us facing the closet- but I refuse to look at him.

"Not necessarily," he says slowly "but you have to be mostly one trait to be in a faction" he pauses at that as if weighing his next words and I sneak a glance at him "it's why I left Dauntless; it wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I had to make a choice after two years. I chose Abnegation."

The confession was said hesitantly, accompanied with a sigh and in a low voice as if Tobias was talking more to himself than to me. As if he still didn't know if Abnegation was the right choice to make.

"They wanted sole bravery, no morals or questions asked" another sigh "I wasn't sure that I could do that anymore. Be that brave." another whispered confession. Tobias rubbed the back of his neck. The action made him look suddenly younger, vulnerable whereas before he has looked older than his 18 years and somewhat intimidating. I opened my mouth to answer and noticed with a start that I've subconsciously turned to face him.

"It was very brave of you," despite the words tumbling out without permission, my voice was steady "to walk out on something you didn't believe in, to risk being factionless on the account of being true to yourself. Most people would rather live with a lie, with something they don't agree to or belong with" as I spoke, flashes of my brother's face appeared in my mind and I realized that I wasn't so angry with him for leaving anymore "the cowardice thing would have been to stay against your beliefs, and maybe walking out was the braver thing to do. Maybe, you're slightly more dauntless than you think."

Tobias had a strange look on his face, a gleam in his eyes that was both sad and beautiful. His expression soft but contemplative as if he was repeating every word I said silently and committing it to memory. His eyes were so intense, that I couldn't hold their gaze, my own eyes flickering all over his face and taking it all in at once before settling on his eyes, only to look away a second later. Tobias still looked like someone having an internal war and in the week I've known him, I've never seen his expression so open or his emotions so on display. The set of his mouth turned into a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm not that brave, Tris" the words sounded loaded, haunted, a million secrets buried in them. My eyes met his and again he began to spoke "if I were, I would have –"

"Beatrice, I brought the new bed sheets" my mother said from the door and both Tobias and I whipped our heads to look at her. She raised the sheets as if to prove her words and I could see a question in her eyes. I just didn't know what the question was.

Tobias got up from where he had changed into a sitting position and strode to the door to take the sheets from my mother.

"Thanks ma'am" he said, and my mother looked at me, clearly wondering why I didn't get them myself.

"um, yes, thank you, we'll take it from here" my mother left after that but the spell was already broken. I could see Tobias's face gaining back its usual shuttered look, his eyes giving nothing away, as if the conversation we just had didn't happen to begin with.

"I'll make the bed" he declared but my mind was elsewhere so I just made a sound of approval as I left the room –the sound could have been a meowing sound for all I knew; my brain wasn't functioning.

Out of the entire conversation, my mind had only one word on loop.

_Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. Tris. _

No one has ever called me anything but Beatrice before.

It was strange because it didn't feel like a nickname. It felt like a secret or another identity –another girl. I was me however, no other girl. I was Beatrice of the Abnigation faction.

But _"You haven't struck me as fully Abnigation" _Tobias has said and there was a ring of truth to his words. So maybe I wasn't as Beatrice as I thought I was, and didn't I just tell Tobias that lying to one's self was cowardice? And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to be brave for once.

So, yes. _Tris._ I quite liked it.

**And that was that. What did you think? did you like it? didn't you like it? think things are moving too fast, do they need to move faster? I'm big on sharing so share your thoughts *cough* review *cough* really hope you liked it, thanks for reading!**

**Review? **


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